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 Kamidori Main Thread 
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Post Kamidori Main Thread
Please report any translation mistakes, typos, or other game issues here.

Patch
patches/Kamidori%201_1.zip

READ THE DAMNED README BEFORE YOU ASK ANY STUPID QUESTIONS

Most questions are stupid.


Last edited by Aroduc on Tue Mar 04, 2014 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Sep 15, 2011 1:06 am
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quote:
Rags
Aah... Your tongue's... in my mouth...mch...mmm... You're
icking me...aah...nmmm... should I... do that too...?

- +l

Quote:
Rags
Nnnhh...aaaaah...
Quote:
aah..........
haaa...nnh...ngh...

- one too many periods

Quote:
Her red hair waves in front of her as she shakes her head,
sending flooding my senses with her thick scent.

- -sending

Aht
「The enemies are nothing when we're together!
Let's go, Master!」」
- double ending parenthesis

Quote:
Yuela
I heard that this was Zof and Yokiya, but... I don't see
Tokiya's flag. The shogun should be here...

- Tokiya


Sun Feb 19, 2012 4:52 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quote:
Tokiya General
Still, they want to win honor in this war to redeem their
honor.

- wording can be improved

Quote:
Leguna
After that, how about lying in wait where the land gives us
the greatest tactical advantge?

- +a

Quote:
I have to agree though. It be better to not beat around the bush
now.


Quote:
Leguna
In other words, go to their air. Well, I expected you to say
that.

- aid

Quote:
The troops are are approaching us.


Quote:
Iron-arm Alchemist
I've got to polish my blad too. Mm, it rouses these old
bones.

- +e


Sun Feb 19, 2012 6:04 pm
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Location: Canada
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quest 94 Info
Quote:
Black Eushully wans an Iron Kettle. The materials you'll need are scattered through various dungeons.

wans -> wants


Quote:
Wil: You have to be very dilligent about keeping things clean.

dilligent -> diligent


Quote:
Eushully: That's wonderful! Wonderful! Like like a maid!

extra "like"


Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:19 am
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
All up to here taken care of!
kami/kami0_99.zip

Todo box:
Cleanup item popups for length
Think of something to do with DMCA/region/whatever page
???

----------

Going to plan a public release for next Saturday. I know that's probably not enough time to get absolutely everything, but I want to just get it out there. Also, nobody else will be apparently looking at the endgames again any time soon anyway.


Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:07 am
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 3 Done

Quote:
Cheerful Boy「...Look at a Saerav's hair here. See how smooth it is? It's a little warm and feels nice.」


"at the saerav's hair."

Quote:
Wil「I give. There's no way I can beat you when it comes to arguing.」


"I give up."?

Quote:
I scoop the water up in quickly numbing hands and pour it over my head.


"my quickly numbing hands"?

Quote:
The magic flows down her arms as beams of light into the ground and the strange colors in the ground disappear.


redundant ground. "The magic flows down her arms like beams of light into the ground, and the strange colors on the surface disappear."

Quote:
Wil 「It looks like it could be hard to get to him though. We can't take this too slowly.


maybe reword "We can't waste any time with this."

Quote:
Wil「They both look like they have reasons that they're conflicted...」


maybe reword "They both sound like they have conflicting agendas..."?

Quote:
Rosanna「...Pardon me. Where you are from does not have that custom.」


"Where you are from, this custom is foreign"?


Went Serawi route.


Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:27 pm
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Location: Canada
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quote:
She smiles gently and thinks for a moment, then choose her words very slowly and carefully.

choose -> chooses


Quote:
Hannah: I felt nothing but admiration to that angel.

to -> for


Quote:
Hannah: I know of no other alchemists who has created such bonds with other races.

has -> have


Quote:
As I step into the church, Hannah's looking at book and looking very worried about it.

This should probably be reworded to avoid having looking twice in the same sentence, maybe "examining a book"


Quest 111 Info
Quote:
Hannah request you find find orange putettos and harvest their jelly.

request -> requests
extra "find"
possibly add "that" after requests


Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:01 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 9 - Serawi

There haven't been almost any deaths yet, but we don't know if it'll stay like that. The people in the city are worried. <- change to "There have been almost no deaths, but we don't know if it'll stay like that. The people in the city are worried."

We're investigating the causes now. It's the elves' fault. <- i'm guessing a "not" should be before "the"

No, thank you. My friends have also learned to fight well and saved my life. <- change to "No, thank you. My friends have also learned to fight well and that's saved my life plenty of times."

It sends a cold chill up my spine. I gasp agaisnt my will. <- "agaisnt" should be "against"

This is a reward for becoming a full grown man. Think of it was a thank you from someone who has watched you grow. <- "was" should be "as"

I lift her wait up to prove my strength to her. <- change to "I lift her up to prove my strength."

She cries out between her moans of pleasure while her flush convulses around me. <- change to "She cries out between her moans of pleasure and her flesh convulses around me." also i'm guessing "flush" should have been "flesh" in the original

We come to another part of the forest than before. <- change to "We arrive at a new part of the forest."

The seal uses the poewr of countless mana. In brief, all of the land surrounding Yuidora fuels that seal. <- change to "The seal uses the power of countless mana. In simpler terms, the fact is that all of the land surrounding Yuidora fuels that seal."

He asked our help... Protecting the seal of Yuidora and the land around it... <- change to "He asked for our help with protecting the seal on Yuidora and the land around it..."

...They're fighting right now... to keep the promise to us that we've forgotten. <- remove "to us"

Understood. Then we'll meet again that day. <- change to "Understood. Then we'll meet again when that day comes."

It's very important for have the elves' cooperation right now. <- change to "The elves' cooperation is extremely important at the moment."

The soldiers all balk are hearing her actually say that they're going to fight. <- "are" should be "at"

She means no harm with her endless criticisms. I'm glad for her advice and learn as much as I can from her. <- change to "She means no harm with her endless criticisms. I happily accept her advice and learn as much as I can."

They won't be conquered so easily because they have the might the entire Disnafrody Empire behind them. <- add an "of" after "might"

In that case, then please let us handle it. We'll ask the dragons for their help. <- remove "then"

He was didn't want to ask me to make more for him since I'm lord now, so I did him a favorand gave him the recipe. <- remove "was"

This drink's just like us back then... Incomplete and unsure, but somehow... strong feelings inside it. <- add an "are" after "feelings"

Wow, Serai. You're already really wet. <- "Serai" should be "Serawi"

Everyone around here will here us if you're too loud. <- second "here" should be "hear" but maybe change to "Everyone else will hear us if you're too loud." to avoid the repetition.

I hug her tight to keep her from moving a slam my waist against hers. <- the "a" should be "and"

She moans passionately as I pound attack the back of her vagina. <- remove "attack"

...Heheh. That would be pleasant to see. You are enamored of Wilfred? <- change "...Heheh. That would be a rather pleasant sight. You are enamored with Wilfred?"

We go to Dijenel to try to search for Morigawa Palace. <- change to "We go to Dijenel and search for Morigawa Palace." to avoid repitition

All the power that it was gathered radiates out in a wave and disappears. <- "gathered" should be "gathering"

But thankfully, it could have been much worse. <- i remember that sounding awkward because they were talking about the effects of the plague, but i forgot to make a change when the previous line was in the backlog, so do something with it yourself.

I didn't mean to make you promise for all that time, but if you can keep it... Serawi, I want you to. <- change to "I didn't mean to make a promise that would bind you for such a long time, but if you can keep it... Serawi, I want you to."

I promise. I'll make Yuidora into an even more wonderful city... A city that a child born in it can grow up happily. <- change to "I promise. I'll make Yuidora into an even more wonderful city... A city where any child born in it can grow up happily."


Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:23 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Side Stories

You've given up on hostilities, but you haven't really accepted to get along with us yet, have you? <- change to "You've given up on hostilities, but you haven't really accepted us or tried to get along with everyone, have you?"

Arrogant as this may be, I am convinced that Wil has the power to overcome. <- overcome what exactly? seems like an unfinished sentence.

In my view, even you, Milady, joining Wil in Yuidora at the end of negotiations is nothing short of a miracle. <- change to "Milady, from my point of view the fact that you joined Wil in Yuidora at the end of your negotiations is nothing short of a miracle."

we look back on the paths we've taken to reach where we are now and talk about our feelings. <- first "we" should be "We" (forgot to capitalize it)

We're both searching for a way for angel and human ways of life to meet. <- change to "We're both searching for a way to connect the differing lifestyles of angels and humans."

I draw her carefully close to me, wanting to know how she reacts. <- change to "I carefully draw her to me, wanting to see how she'd react."

I follow that my gently nibbling on her ears. <- change to "I follow up by gently nibbling on her ears."

Elizasleyn rigt now is like I was last time. She's completely at my mercy. <- "rigt" should be "right"

I fel the same. It is thanks to the efforts of a certain human named Wil. <- "fel" should be "feel"

Yeah, we're not going to ale to get away unless we defeat all of them. <- change to "Yeah, we can't get away unless we defeat all of them.

Those twins depending on only each other at the start, now they both have their own dreams. <- change to "Originally, those twins only depended on each other, but now they each have their own dreams."

The girl's talk falls into chaos and their already warm bodies from the bath flush even hotter from the sudden emotion. <- change to "The girls' talk falls into chaos and their bodies, which are already warm from the bath, flush even hotter due to the sudden influx of emotion."

He may grumble all he wants. All that needs to be done is force him down. Like this...! <- change to "He may grumble all he wants. We just need to force him down. Like this...!"

Don't start getting shy now. You are already owe me far too much for that. <- remove "are"

They lick and suck on me at the same time. I can't stop from stiffening and trying to push against them. <- change to "They lick and suck on me at the same time. I can't help but stiffen and try to push against them."

The two of them were both trying hard to pleasure me. Coming like that was extremely intense. <- change to "They were both trying hard to pleasure me. Coming like that was extremely intense."

The impact of piercing her makes convulsions run through her bod and her arch her back. <- change to "The impact from piercing her makes convulsions run through her body and she arches her back."

Melodiana and my eyes meet. She smiles, understanding what I'm going to do. <- change to "My eyes meet Melodiana's. She smiles, understanding what I'm going to do."

The damp sound of our flash slapping together echoes through the room. <- "flash" should probably be "flesh"


Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:09 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 4 - Serawi

Quote:
He thanks me bashfully for me helping him out again.


remove second "me"

Quote:
Crayanne「I'll tell you what needs to be done, but you have to do it. The results will depend on you.」


better to say "you have to do it yourself." or "you have to take care of it yourself." in this context

Quote:
Tian「I thought so at the start, but I know the alchemist who told the Guild and he doesn't lie.


could be confusing for the reader. it seemed to me that tian looked it up, but i guess waht he is saying is he knows the guy can't lie.

"and he isn't the kind to lie." imo

Quote:
Emelita 「Whoa. It's really old... It's collapsing all over. No wonder monsters got in.」


collapse was repeated so much in this dungeon.
"The whole place is falling apart."?

Quote:
Let's not stay here too long. I'll take care of it quickly.


"Let's not linger here." imo

Quote:
Wil「Okay, take care of it fast.」


out of context. he shouldnt tell emi and yuela to take care of it since him and serawi are doing it.
"Okay, we'll take care of it as fast as possible."

Quote:
Serawi「This has been working for the last 100 years, hasn't it...」


since she was talking about another purifier thing in the previous line, would be more fitting to say: "This one"

Quote:
Wil「Sometimes you need to replace the catalyst like this, but it does look like it won't last much longer...」


"Sometimes, like now, the catalyst needs to be replaced,"

Quote:
Emelita「Okay, we should be okay for a few more years now.」


double owkay. first "okay" -> "Alright"

Quote:
Wil「...I'm not so sure of that.


"sure about that." imo

Quote:
Wil「This purifier was installed 100 years ago. It's on the brink of collapse.」


another collapse. "collapse" -> "ruin"

Quote:
Wil「Since they, it's been repaired and expanded over and over again...」


they -> then

Quote:
Wil「Yuidora has grown so much that this can no longer support it.


"it" -> "the whole city" imo. fits better

Quote:
The ones who would know the most about that have got to be the elves.


"The elves are most likely better versed in that matter." or something like that imo

Quote:
I've talked to Serawi, but she only knows so much. She did offer to take me to the nearby elven village she comes from though.


we already know she is an elf, emphasizing her originating from there over stating the obvious "its her home and its ALSO an elven village" is better imo

"take me to her home village nearby."

Quote:
The older alchemist that I see at the bar sometimes walks into my workshop.


"who frequents the bar now and then"? "who pops up at the bar sometimes"?

Quote:
I should be able to make some very different things now than I could before.


since its a forge ("make"->"forge"). helps making a better sentence. "I should be able to forge different things unlike any I could make before." imo


Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:28 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Mark.

Stuff up to here taken care of. Out of things to do.


Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:07 am
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 7 stuff

After the old Mikelty Kingdom collapsed in civil war this assembly ws created to maintain the country. - ws->was

New Quest: Akuko - not centered

I jump toward her as she collapses! - narration with ! is weird

It's the same as when the lake was polluted and the back stains appeared through her body. - through->throughout

Sharty surprisingly seems to be thinking about my own wellbeing for once. - wellbeing->well-being

Suina
But father came to the lake many times... The happier he was, the stronger my wish for us to be together was. - father->my father

Her warm flesh stretches to accomdate me. Her beautiful face twists in pain as she presses her head against my neck. - accomdate->accommodate

Melodiana
Aah! Aaah! Uaaah...haaa...ngh... Aah! My mind is...ahh... being consumed my lust... - my->by

This is the second piece of jewellery that she's had me make for her. - jewellery->jewelry (jewellery is the BE spelling)

Wil
Um, You don't need to tell me if you don't want. I was just curious. - You->you

Young Noble
You cannot go back to Yuidora any longer. Will that all right? - Will that be all right?

Rosanna
Thank you for worrying about me. I am safe now, please go back to your lives. - I am safe now so please go back to your lives. / I am safe now. Please go back to your lives.

Rosanna
You have your friens too. What's more, Wilfred's mother was an old alchemist friend of mine. - friens->friends

Kohakuren
The Godai Kosen have been watching and observing, but the reason has not come clear... - come->become

The dragon flaps its wings, sending tornados through the area, then lifts up into the sky. - tordnados->tornadoes

All the statues suddenly begin moving and coming right for us. - coming->come

Cledoriamus
You of course, do not need to worry about that. - You, of course, do not need to worry about that.

They're usually just for political maneuvering and bargaining. Each city governs itself with its own sovereignity. - sovereignity->sovereignty

Wil
The Guild should strengthen its relationship with the Union and not just stay Yuidora, but spread to all of them. - stay->stay in?

Rosanna
All the countries Alchemist Guilds must unite to stop this. - countries->countries'


Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:01 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Mark for self. Edits above done.


Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:02 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 8 stuff

Kalenri Alchemist
I've liked to ask you something instead. Does Yuidora think the New Mikelty Kingdom has committed some kind of offense? - I've->I'd

Wil
Isn't they anything we can do? - they->there

Other stuff

Yuela's Evasive II says -15 to Evade when it should say +15

===============
Marking, edits up to here processed or whathaveyou


Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:25 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 4 - Serawi when is this game going to get interesting...

Quote:
However, the area's completely still. There's no sign of anything like that here at all.


"There's no sign of any monster here at all." is better

Quote:
A massive thing emerges from the darkness and...


since he came out from a deep lake... "dark depths" or something imo

Quote:
It strikes the water around him, kicking up a huge wave that forces us back and off our feet.


"him" -> "it"

Quote:
Our clothing is now wet and heavy because of the water. We all quickly stand up and get ready to fight back.


"Our clothes are now" feels more natural

Quote:
The creature is letting out an immense amount of power. It feels like I'm being crushed.


just use "I feel like" imo

Quote:
Serawi「Apparently that creature lives in the water. I have never heard of one like it before.」


"of anything like it before." imo

Quote:
Serawi「It felt like it was angry about something. Perhaps there was a reason that it was attacking.」


reword please "It seemed like it was angry about something. Perhaps there was a reason behind its aggressive behaviour."

Quote:
If there is a reason that it's attacking, we need time to think about what to do.


we already know who is attacking, no reason to keep using the pronoun (it). feels heavy

"If something is causing these attacks,"

Quote:
Rosanna「I did not order you to slay it, just stop it from attacking.


(attack) was overused imo "just make the assaults end."

Quote:
That's at least a new thought to keep in mind and changes some of my assumptions.


add comma "in mind, which also changes some of my assumptions."

Quote:
Serawi「He stopped attacking once we left the lake. I believe he is intelligent.」


sounded too....i dunno, my eyebrow raised. "intelligent" -> "sentient" or "reasonable"

Edit: oh i remember now, using "reasonable" would be better since she is trying to make wil understand the creature isn't a mindless monster killing just for the lulz. Also i don't know if its intentional but i liked how serawi uses "he" while wil was using "it" to talk about the monster. it emphasized how their view is different about the thing.

Quote:
Elkaren, the underground lake... Serawi and I are here where we found that huge creature.


"stand where" imo

Quote:
Serawi steps up to the lakeside boldy and looks straight up at the creature.


"boldy" -> "boldly". also put it before "steps up"

Quote:
Serawi「Shall we be going?」


"Let us go, shall we?" please

Quote:
I realizing I was absentmindedly scratching my stomach as I thought. I'm not that hungry though.


I don't know what that (as i thought) is there for but... "I realize I was absentmindedly scratching my stomach when I come back to my senses." imo

Quote:
Serawi steps slight off the path and picks a few colorful fruit off of a nearby tree.


change to "Serawi steps slightly off the path and picks a few colorful fruits from a nearby tree."

Quote:
Serawi「Please.」

Wil「Huh...? Is it okay if I eat something from the Elven Forest...?」


weird "Here you go." imo

Quote:
Maybe that's what Serawi really saw when she wanted to stop to eat.


"Maybe Serawi saw through my anxiety, which is why she asked for a break." beats the literal

Quote:
It's like looking on a completely new land.


"It's as if I am seeing a whole new world." imo

Quote:
Some are walking past, some are talking, some are working on something, some are looking at us in curiosity...


"some are curiously staring at us..." please

Quote:
Elf Chief「You did tell me. Welcome to our village.」


serawi said she told him in the previous line. no need to repeat it again. "You did tell me." -> "Indeed." would work better.

Quote:
Elf Chief「Stand. You do not need to take your knee. That is not an elven custom.」


There is so many things wrong in this line but (taking his knee) made me laugh. since you seem to use some formal tone with this guy:

"Raise your head. You need not to get on your knees. We elves do not have such custom."

Quote:
I can't say for certain since I've never lived in a rural village, but it feels different from human lives.
-

"from a human lifestyle."

Quote:
Wil「When was the last one here?」


"When was the last time one came here?"

Quote:
Elf Chief「I am sure to a human, our lives appear tedious, but this is how we live.」


"I am sure that"

Quote:
Elf Chief「You responded to that very quickly. We will continue to watch what you do.」


this came out of nowhere. response to what? reword "Your response against the pollution was swift. We shall keep a watchful eye on your actions."

Quote:
Elf Chief「Then go. I am expect much from you.」


"expecting" or "I expect much from you."


Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:24 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 4 - Serawi Done

Quote:
Elf Chief「If that is what you wish, that I think you should show him.」


remove "that"? not sure what its pointing at

Quote:
Serawi「This part of the forest is near Dijenel. Monsters occasionally waner in here.」


"waner" -> "wander"

Quote:
Serawi「This from just me, an expression of feelings I cannot deny.」


hmm "This is a gift from me. An expression..."?

or "This is for me an expression..."?

Quote:
Serawi「Nngh... I'm sorry. I wanted to you to be comfortable with me...」


remove first "to"

Quote:
She looks and me and smiles in admiration.


"and me" -> "at me"

Quote:
Serawi「Shall we actully rest this time?」


"actully" -> "actually"

Quote:
Serawi「Dis she say anything special?」


"Dis" -> "Did"

Quote:
Wil「No, nothing in particular, just that I should work hard and think bigger from now on.」


"harder" imo

Quote:
Wil「Thanks. Very well done. I was never as polite or well-mannered as you when I was a kid.」


was kind of weird to me. would replace it with "Good girl." or something

Quote:
Blacksmith Alchemist「Congrats on the promotion. Mm... You did splendidly. I can't believe you've come this far...」


weird. "You did a splendid job."? "You performed splendidly."?

Quote:
Iron-arm Alchemist「Sorry, Wil. I didn't mean to worry you. You just need to follow your own path and never stop moving forward.」


in this context (he didn't trouble wil, just butt in the convo), "bother" is better

Quote:
Iron-arm Alchemist「Mmhmm. Sounds just like the young. Well, good luck.」


"Such passion is typical of the young." please.


Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:30 pm
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Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 2 - Yuela

I put on my coat and go downstairs to the back door. <- change "downstairs" to "down"

I'm good at handling fire though... <- maybe change "handling" to "kindling" since they're talking about making a fire

The branch just barely misses me, slamming against the wall behind me. <- change to "The branch just barely misses me and slams against the wall behind me."

I only then realize that everything she had been practicing on were things that could be easily cut like leaves and grass. <- change to "Only then did I realize that she had been practicing on things that could be easily cut like leaves and grass."

Chapter 3 - Yuela

Words leak out of her reaper's mouth. Yuela stares into her eyes. <- the first "her" should be "the"

He has protected the north of Disnafrody since long ago. <- change to "He's been protecting the northern quadrant of Disnafrody since long ago."

Disnafrody citizens aren't like that? <- change to "Disnafrodians aren't like that?"

I will wait for orders for my next duty. I may have to return to my country, but I will stay here until then. <- change to "I will wait here for new orders. I may have to return to my country, but I will stay here until then."

How are you in contact with them? <- change to "How do you keep in touch with them?"

Oh, and it's you too! Thank You! <- change to "Oh, and you're the woman who helped me out earlier! Thank you too!"

Stop it, I said. You're bothering them. <- change to "I told you to cut it out. You're bothering them."

There are a number of other alchemists as we walk in. <- change to "There are a number of alchemists gathered around as we walk in."

Heheheh. Congratulations aren't like this guy. You guys really did it. <- change to "Heheheh. It isn't like this guy to offer congratulations. You guys really did it."

After the three of us have a toast, I think about Yuela while looking up at the night sky. <- change "have" to "make"

I'll be able to research new techniques now that I'm a Craftsman. Hopefully I'll be able to do it soon. <- change to "Now that I'm a Craftsman I have access to a lot of new technology and techniques, so hopefully I can get it done soon."

Chapter 4 - Yuela

You're a Disnafrody swordsman? And you killed the reaper too. You'll definitely be popular! <- change "Disnafrody" to Disnafrodian"

Across the eastern mountains, the plains of Disnafrody are spread wide. The Zof commander looks over them... <- change to "Across the eastern mountains, the Zof commander looks over the widespread plains of Disnafrody..."

Yuela enters my room quietly and stands right up next to me. <- change to "Yuela enters my room quietly and walks up to me."

She'd be able to easily have her sword fixed, and I'm sure there are other people waiting for her too. <- change to "Fixing her sword should be easy, and I'm sure there are people awaiting her return."

You said that you would regain my sword's magic. That is why I became your guard. <- change to "I became your guard because you said you would restore my sword's magic."

But if it bothers you for me to be here. <- change to "But if my presence bothers you..."

I'll tell everybody right away. Just wait here for me to go get them. <- change to "I'll tell everybody right away. Just wait here while I go get them."

You don't need to be so formal about it. Just how do you feel watching him? <- change to "You don't need to be so formal about it. Just tell us how you feel when you watch him? "

...Do not sneak up behind me. <- change "behind" to "on"

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to sneak. <- change to "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to surprise you."

A woman calls from her stall to us as we pass by. <- change to "A woman calls out to us, from her stall, as we pass by.

Don't ask. And don't ask about it anymore. <- change to "Don't ask. And don't bring it up anymore."

There's no reason for me to want to be with you... Don't you think so? <- The first sentence doesn't really fit the scene well, since they're talking about why she's staying in Yuidora.

I feel embarrassed and want to hide my growing erection after looking at her for naked for so long. <- change to "I feel embarrassed and want to hide my growing erection after looking at her naked form for so long."

Y-Yeah... It's my first time... but... are all Yuidora people like this? <- change "Yuidora people" to "Yuidorans"

Yuela sucks hard on me while turning his eyes up towards mine. The sight is turning me on more and more. <- "his" should be "her"

Tears leak out of her tightly shut eyes. I almost pull out of her just to stop her from hurting. <- change to "Tears leak out of her tightly shut eyes. I almost pull out of her just to stop the pain she's feeling."

Kiss... me. Like in Yuidora... <- change to "Kiss... me. Like they do in Yuidora..."

The waves of pleasure finally begin to settle. I gently kiss Yuela as she still drifts in a blissful haze. <- remove "still"

She walks right up next to me. I'm both embarrassed and glad to have her suddenly so close and can't stop myself from blushing. <- change to "She walks right up to me. I'm both embarrassed and glad to have her so close to me, so I can't help but blush."

I awkwardly look over the room, remembering Yuela and my first time together. <- change to "I awkwardly look over the room, remembering my first time with Yuela."

Yes... The forest is withering, floods are occurring, and the smithing city and the fields are suffering. <- "city" should be "cities"

Chapter 5 - Yuela

Yuela quietly just stands there, staring at us... <- change to "Yuela just stands there quietly, staring at us..."

It's the first time we've been in Disnafrody, but this is her home that she's been away from. I thought she'd be happy... <- change to "It's the first time I've been to Disnafrody, but this is the home she's been away from for a while. I thought she'd be more happy..."

While we were working on this, Yuela hasn't said much about Disnafrody. I miss hearing about it. <- change to "Yuela hasn't said much about Disnafrody while we were fulfilling this request. I miss hearing her talk about it."

Now I know that Misanshel is an enemy to Yuidora. <- "to" should be "of"

Chapter 6 - Yuela

I just felt like we were closer now. I think that's the way that it's supposed to be. <- change to "It just feels like we're closer now. I think that's the way it's supposed to be."

Chapter 7 - Yuela

It's been a long time. Thank you again for back then. <- change to "It's been a long time. Thanks again for your help back then."

This is around to where their supplies supposedly went missing. <- change to "Their supplies apparently went missing in this area."

Let's be careful of the wandering monsters while we look for it. <- change to "There are monsters wandering about, so let's be careful while we look."

Those are... Disnafrody soldiers!? <- change "Disnafrody" to "Disnafrodian"

I didn't think that we'd find Disnafrody soldiers out here. <- change "Disnafrody" to "Disnafrodian"

Through training alchemists, we established trade with the Mikelty Union in the west and Disnafrody cities in the east. <- remove "cities" if you don't want to change "Disnafrody" to "Disnafrodian"

...I've been wondering something for a while. Disnafrody names mean things, right? What does your name mean? <- change to "...I've been wondering something for a while. Disnafrodian names have meanings behind them, right? What does your name mean?"

...Like something going to happen between the Guild and the country soon. <- add "is" after "something"


Last edited by DxS on Sat Feb 25, 2012 5:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Feb 25, 2012 12:32 am
Profile

Location: Canada
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quote:
We look around, but there's nobody else here but us.

delete "else" or alternatively delete "but us"


Quote:
Rosanna: Amureshy and Neryil have friendly relationship, but they would not allow Rakimel or any other countries in.

have friendly -> have a friendly


Quote:
Roka: It will become a major incident they were to be stolen by Neryil due to its close ties to Vastahl...

they -> if they
will -> would


Quote:
The path ahead is choked with monsters. It might more dangerous for us to search for another way around them all.

more -> be more


Quote:
Roka: Leave this to us. This is a good chance to show your the strength of Marsterria.

your -> you


Quote:
That thing in there... it's notuced us.

notuced -> noticed


Quote:
Anastasia: I don't like beds. I prefer hugging the stray and sleeping on it~

stray -> straw


Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:14 am
Profile
User avatar
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quote:
Wil
Well, whatever. I'm glad you found us.

- misattributed speaker (not Stout Alchemist) (we found you, etc)

Quote:
Stout Alchemist
Calling this be the end of this mission would be a disgrace to
Yuidora's alchemists. I want to do what little I can.

- remove

Quote:
Right now, it's being used as practically a military station.

The stalls are being used to store equipment and give alchemists
a place to rest between shifts.

It's also being used to distribute food.

- practically being used as
- repetitive use of "being used" in the subsequent line
- or maybe change the 1st usage of "being used" as the "also being used" in the third line will flow naturally

Quote:
We're still using the manor as our main military headquarters.

Most of the meetings for the war are still being held there.

- kind of redundant

--------------------------------DONE UP TO HERE-----------------------


Sat Feb 25, 2012 2:54 am
Profile
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 8 - Yuela

After muttering towards the moon, the shogun calls over a soldier and sends a missive to the west. <- "missive" should be "message"

I almost make a noise in my shock. I panic to swallow it before I embarrass myself. <- change to "I almost make a noise in my shock, but I panic and quickly hold it back before I embarrass myself.

That's all she says. She give me a small bow and then leaves. <- "give" should be "gives"

The Guild is still growing. That's why I need to leave how to someone from the next generation like you. <- change to "The Guild is still growing. That's why I need to leave it's future to someone from the next generation like you."

All that was said is that there was an accident deep in the mine and a lot of senior alchemists died because of it. <- change to "All they said was that there was an accident deep in the mine and a lot of senior alchemists died because of it."

You're amazing! How would I get to be such an awesome alchemist!? <- "How would I" should be "How did you" based on the next two lines.

Yuela Armor H-scenes

Haha. I'm happy to accept that praise. <- change to "Haha. I'll happily accept that compliment."

But it doesn't look like you can stand it much more. Then can I put it in? <- change to "But it doesn't look like you can last much longer. So, should I put it in?"

I think it's a good thing to let yourself be a kid again every now and then. <-

Huh? I don't. Who is is it. <- remove an "is"

She lies that without responding, but she nothing seems wrong. She's just asleep. <- change to "She lies there without responding, but nothing seems wrong. She's just fell asleep."

The way her chest is exposed and open is curiously arousely. Her feminine scent is wafting through the air around me. <- "arousely" should be "arousing"

If someone attacked her when she was tired and sleeping like that, she wouldn't be able to resist them. <- change to "If someone attacked her when she was tired and sleeping like this, she couldn't possibly resist."

Yuela, I love you. No one else can half you. Aah, your eyes, your mouth, your hair, your breasts, here... All mine. <- "half" should be "have"

I grab her leg and strech her open and intensely stab into her. <- change to "I grab her leg, strech her open, and intensely stab into her."


Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:10 pm
Profile
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Chapter 9 stuff

They might want to use her politically for her royal bloodline, but they could have something else in midn too. - midn->mind

Even though I just became a Grand Master, very few people seem to opposte the decision decision. - remove decision

Emelita
Everyone, thank you everything. - thank you for everything

She walls tighten in her excitement, rubbing warmly around me. - Her walls tighten

Emelita
It's sealed... And I cn feel an amazing power... What could this be... - cn->can

Leguna talks passionate, but I feel a cold pit in my stomach listening to him. - passionate->passionately

Guild Executive
Be safe. Please be careful... - double ending bracket

Yuidora's sovereignity should be safe for the foreseeable future. - sovereignity->sovereignty


Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:27 pm
Profile
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
New Game+ Events (Haven't gone past the first floor of the mine or done any of the level 90 maps yet)

Eushully turns and disappears into the air in a flapping of wings. <- change to "Eushully turns and disappears into the air with a flap of her wings."

I've finished what Eushully asked me to make for her. I've come to her house to deliver it to her. <- change to "I finished the item Eushully asked me to make for her, so I've come to her house to deliver it."

It's not that far from Yuidora. Why hadn't it been found yet...? <- change "It's not that far from Yuidora, so why has no one found this place...?"

Okay, I finished it. This should dispel those illusions. We should get lost in Mercy Light Valley anymore. <- change to "Okay, I finished it. This should dispel those illusions, so we shouldn't get lost in Mercy Light Valley anymore."

...Do no group me with others so readily. <- "no" should be "not"

M-My magic could've been seen through... It's not possible...! <- change to "M-My magic was seen through... That's not possible...!"

I want to research you to make my power more perfect. <- change to "I want to study you so I can perfect my technique."

Phinny mercilessly drives me back to Yuidorce and forces me to spend the rest of the day showing her every inch of the city... <- "Yuidorce" should be "Yuidora"

What? They're cookies. Haven't you ever eaten them before? <- change to "What? They're cookies. Haven't you ever had any?"

Her completely playful voice is completely opposite to the dark force I can feel radiating off her. <- completely repetition, maybe change to "Her completely playful voice starkly contrasts the dark force I can feel radiating off her."

It talks about how they can distort space and use it to be able to avoid any kind of attack. <- change to "It talks about how they can distort space and use it to avoid any kind of attack."

Yuidora's been built for humans to live in. Some things are hard for her. <- change to "Yuidora was built for human use, so some things are hard for her."

The only sound is the gears still turning... but the air is thick with raw magical power. <- change to "The only sound in the area is that of turning gears... but the air is thick with raw magical power."

Just standing still is making my head swim... If I stop concentrating, I might lose my mind. <- change "swim" to "spin" (yes i know both can be used, but I hate head swim, and wanted everyone to know)

I feel a twinge of relief seeing her here through the fear. <- not sure what this is supposed to mean

Roka travels with us along with a few of her Marsterria soldiers from Amureshy into Neryil. <- change to "Roka and a few of her Marsterria soldiers travel with us from Amureshy into Neryil.

The path ahead is choked with monsters. It might more dangerous for us to search for another way around them all. <- this is contradictory...

Leave this to us. This is a good chance to show your the strength of Marsterria. <- "your" should be "you"

But everything's not lost yet... <- change to "But all is not lost..."

The ship sails straight out to sea until we're out of sight of land before we turn to the north. <- change to "The ship sails straight out to sea, until we can no longer see the shore, before we turn to the north."

It's just like I've seen really smart alchemists look when they're studying new a new technique. <- change to "It's the same look I see when I view smart alchemists studying new techniques."

Seeing her wear her armor looks almost divine. <- change to "She looks almost divine in the armor."

And if you succeed, reccomend the Marsterria military to formall adopt it and send a bulk order my way. <- "And if you succeed, reccomend it to the Marsterrian military and send a bulk order my way."

The area is teaming with dangerous wandering monsters that have been corrupted by the rifts. <- "teaming" should be "teeming

Another cute girl nocks her boy with a devlish grin. <- "boy" should be "bow"

The two of them run off like they're in the middle of a game while the genie in his bottle scoffs at them. <- change "his" to "the"

You think as soon as you act. I've got a bad feeling. <- are "think" and "act" reversed?

She glares at me with her eyebrows twiching and bloodlust rising. There's a cold forboding in the pit of my stomach. <- change to "She glares at me with her eyebrows twiching and bloodlust rising. There's a cold sense of foreboding coming from the pit of my stomach."

And then Santaria's walls exploded... That's how I learned how good Lyphia is at making things. <- maybe change first "how" to "when" or something to avoid repetition

It was a rumor at the bar. That demonfolk that was popular in Santaria. <- change to "It was a rumor at the bar about the demonfolk that was popular in Santaria."

I don't know... But something beyond our wildish imagination lurks beyond here. <- "wildish" should be "wildest"

There's my grandfather and his servant, also that old lady and the retire general... All four of them are after me. <- "retire" should be "retired"

They're all such worriers... It's nice, but it also makes me a little sad. <- change "worriers" to "worrywarts"

All that fascination visual distraction I had managed to put out of my mindcomes racing back in an instant. <- "All the fascinating visual distractions that I managed to push out of my mind come rushing back in an instant."

I don't know how hold they are, but they're certainly very attractive. <- "hold" should probably be "old"

Thick tangles of roots grow far underground the ruins near the Yusof river. <- change "underground" to "under"

This a reward for that bravery... <- add an "is" after "This"

Aaah... It feels like you're pulling me out from th inside... You're stuffing me... My body feels so sensitive. <- "th" should be "the"

I can feel her shudder in excitement every time that I thrust forward. <- remove "that"

My stomach feels so amazing... Whwnever you go in, you change its shape... You're carving yourself into me...! <- change "whwnever" to "whenever"

I wake up in the morning to something smelling sweet. When I open my eyes, Mylen's right in front of me. <- change to "A sweet smell wakes me up in the morning. When I open my eyes, Mylen's right in front of me."

It doesn't look like she's joking around either. For a Fiend like her, maybe that's exactly how they usually talk about it. <- change to "It doesn't look like she's joking around either, but maybe that's just how Fiends usually talk about it."

She smiles broadly as I try to think about this. <- change "this" to "it"

But she's still closed and not ready and barely gets me inside of her. <- change to "But she's still closed and not ready, so she barely gets me inside her."


Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:50 pm
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User avatar
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Everything up to here taken care of.

kami/kami1_00.zip

I'll open this forum up and delete the 'pack-patches' probably either Monday morning or Sunday evening depending on my mood.


Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:46 pm
Profile

Location: Canada
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Quote:
Black Eushully: There are not enough words in this world to apologize to princess like me...

to -> to a


Quote:
She seemed surpries and scared of us. We should talk to her and clear up her misunderstandings.

surpries -> surprised


Quote:
Her pride looks like it's damaged by being defeated by humans, but it doesn't seem like she's actually accepted it yet.

I think this would read better as "Her pride looks like it's been damaged by being defeated by humans, but it doesn't seem like she's actually accepted it yet."


Quote:
Phinilly breaks of a tiny piece and then warily puts it into her mouth.

of -> off


Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:32 pm
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User avatar
Post Re: Translation Work/Editing Thread
Got the above. Also fixed some leftover stupidity/WIP stuff I forgot to delete from the Mascots intro and changed the Aht intro scene parens to double width so they look right with the automatic in-game indentation.

Generating 1.0 patch, deleting the package zips, all update patches will be just the textual bins, barring finding any graphical errors.


Sun Feb 26, 2012 9:21 pm
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